Making His List, Checking It Twice

      Oh, the silly quizzes & checklists are making their ways around the blogs. Here's one that's been making the rounds, with a few annotations. All remarks that read "no [insert f-related word here] comment" should be end stops to those points....

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink    (several times, actually)
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain   (local escarpments don't count)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone   (I think so, but it's fuzzy now)
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it   (several times, actually, and regretted it more often than not)
09. Hugged a tree   (too Wordsworth)
10. Done a striptease   (yeah. right.)

check out the rest?

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris   (I assume they meant France, but Paris, Ontario I have, so there)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise   (several times, actually)
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne   (not REAL capital-C Champagne)
25. Given more than you can afford to charity   (students...)
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment   ("Norm!!!" A long story.)
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse   (once, when I was a kid)
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill   (wound up in Montreal once for such a thing)
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy   (sadly, no.)
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar (once, many moons ago)
40. Seen a total eclipse   (again, many moons-- pause-- ago)
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run   (that depends on what you mean--- er, okay; once, just once)
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days   (kinda sorta)
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking   (there's video somewhere, I fear)
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment   (no comment)
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 10 Province + 3 territories
50. Loved your job for all accounts   (kinda sorta)
51. Taken care of someone who was shit-faced   (innuuuuuuuuuuumerable times)
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied   (never)
53. Had amazing friends   (er, argh, hmmm; awkward one)
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip   (looooooong time ago)
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland   (I only wish)
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love   (no fuckin' comment)
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan   (interesting story there: was almost sent as a teen, and then everything farked up)
67. Benchpressed your own weight   (I had an advantage in this regard)
68. Milked a cow   (and a goat, too)   (and a few involuntary lact---- never mind.... )
69. Alphabetized your records   (yeah, right.....)
70. Pretended to be a superhero   (comically, several times)
71. Sung karaoke   (vaguely, kinda, once; dragged in on background on a chorus, to my very great chagrin)
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers   (strangers? no. are you kidding? they'd be suing me)
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye   (maybe, I don't remember; it probably happened once, so I'll give myself the check on this, as that's a favourite song)
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater (again, not since I was a kid; remember seeing The Nude Bomb at one)
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it.   (No frickin' comment.)
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog   (probably; not necessarily sure)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better   (I wish)
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken   (once; KL, whom I haven't seen in around 10 years)
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class   (again, when a kid; actually got to Yellow Belt)
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman   (no, but if you're gonna die, there aren't many better ways to go)
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight   (no: I have a life)
90. Gotten married   (though it seemed like it once, no; insert pause here, followed by eighteen-and-a-half minutes of head-shaking)
91. Been in a movie   (not that I know of, anyway; have been on TV a few times)
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have   (no frickin' comment)
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy   (no frickin' comment, again)
95. Gotten divorced   (well, kinda, sorta, but not quite; see #90)
96. Had sex at the office   (no frickin' comment; shut-up, shut-up, shut-up!!!!)
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”   (on horror films, of all things! years ago)
105. Got flowers for no reason   (got or given; I assume they mean given)
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything   (mercifully)
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage   (not in years, though; lecturing doesn't count, I assume)
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark   (a little bit, years ago; also *shudder* cow tongue)
113. Had a one-night stand   (sigh, shrug: several; guys like me have to take what we can get; alternately, this becomes much easier when one's belief in love is comparable with one's belief in the wit and wisdom of Tommy Chong)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live   (who tha fuck is Siouxsie?)
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone   (does York count?)
118. Buried one/both of your parents   (mercifully, no)
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off   (why the hell?)
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently   (kinda; my French, for my age, used to be really good; but it's now as rotten as tourquoise ham)
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone   (And "won" -- i.e., he apologized and fled, surprisingly enough, defending a waitress at a bar I once frequented; the most shocked person in the place was me)
123. Bounced a cheque   (not intentionally)
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy   (The favourite childhood toy of men does not need to be bought and it is played with regularly enough.)
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did   (once, but I'll be damned if I remember now)
132. Called or written your MP or MPP   (and worked for one, but not my own)
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. …more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking   (yeah, but I wasn't alone; happened while driving to a bachelor party in Owen Sound)
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did   (This isn't one I'd ever answer; it's totally inappropriate for this sort of thing, and involves a privacy greater than this sort of tripe recognizes.)
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication   (Depends what you mean by 'large,' though.)
141. Lost over 100 pounds   (*pause* I'd be 15 pounds if I ever had)
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback   (no comment; also, sadly, while one was completely, well, gone)
143. Piloted an airplane   (I have a stark fear of becoming Karen Black.)
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart   (awkward, 'cuz it's presumptuous of me to speak for whether or not I did; but I'll count this as a half)
146. Helped an animal give birth   (does shouting "Ride that b*tch!" count? Just kiddding.)
147. Been fired or laid off from a job   (not really; just haven't been brought back after contract expiration)
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 160 KM/h
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced   (no farkin' way)
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse   (yeah, years ago; also had to take care of a trio of them)
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train   (on a TRAIN? er, no; close, though)
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours   (once, years & years ago, after having been awake for 72 hours straight, finishing five essays in three days)
164. Visited more foreign countries than Canadian Provinces
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor   (well, not in the CLINICAL sense....)
170. Eaten sushi   (I assume 'sushi' is meant literally and not euphemistically....)
171. Had your picture in the newspaper (kinda sorta)
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime   (HEALTHY? No Such Thing)
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad (and taught The Odyssey)
181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (so many, you don't even want to imagine)
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating   (not an animal; fish, yes)
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt   (no; I seldom take that long; it's called Canadian apologizing)
187. Skipped all your school reunions.   (actually, don't know if there have been any, but if there have been, I've skipped em)
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (does grunting count?)
189. Been elected to public office   (am assuming elections to committees don't count; was elected, when a teenager, Leader of a Party To Remain Unnamed, at a Model Parliament, despite only entering the race an hour or so before the vote)
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream   (my dream? never. my nightmare? regularly)
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you   (have you seen how I draw?)
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested