Sez Them...

      From Premiere Magazine, here are -- supposedly-- "The 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time." You can see the original list, complete with all their deandy little hyperlinks here. Some omy cynical remarks can be found in italics.

The Complete List

1. Vito Corleone of The Godfather (Come on... Number One?!?!?)
2. Fred C. Dobbs of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
3. Scarlett O'Hara of Gone With the Wind (Fiddle-dee-fucking-dee.)
4. Norman Bates of Psycho
5. James Bond of Dr. No (I thought they said "character" and not caricature.)
6. Annie Hall of Annie Hall (Wha????????? I say, Whaaaa????)
7. Indiana Jones of Raiders of the Lost Ark
8. Ellen Ripley of Alien (Oy.)
9. Jeff Spicoli of Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Give me a break.)
10. Gollum of Lord of the Rings (Meh.)
11. Margo Channing of All About Eve (Good call.)
12. Charles Foster Kane of Citizen Kane (Okay, getting better.)
13. Atticus Finch of To Kill a Mockingbird (Okay, okay.)
14. Randle McMurphy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Meh.)
15. Hannibal Lecter of The Silence of the Lambs (Oh, Jesus...)
16. Robin Hood of The Adventures of Robin Hood
17. Dorothy Gale of The Wizard of Oz (Bleah!)
18. Carl Spackler of Caddyshack (Say what!?!?!?!? Who made this list?)
19. Rick Blaine of Casablanca (Right on.)
20. Virgil Tibbs of In the Heat of the Night
21. Susan Vance of Bringing up Baby
22. Travis Bickle of Taxi Driver
23. Eathan Edwards of The Searchers
24. The Little Tramp of Mabel's Strange Predicament
25. Gordon Gekko of Wall Street (Yawn.)
26. E.T. of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial ("Eliot, Eliot, I'm standing on my testicles!")
27. Marge Gunderson of Fargo (A quirky choice, but one I respect.)
28. Captain Quint of Jaws
29. Daphne/Jerry of Some Like it Hot
30. King Kong of King Kong
31. Norma Desmond of Sunset Boulevard (Now she should have been MUCH higher on this list.)
32. Holly Golightly of Breakfast at Tiffany's
33. Ratso Rizzo of Midnight Cowboy
34. Bonnie Parker of Bonnie and Clyde
35. Dr. Evil of Austin Powers (I've got a big bag of Shhhh for the guys that made this list.)
36. Alex Forrest of Fatal Attraction (Groan.)
37. Jake Gittes of Chinatown (Okay.)
38. Willy Wonka of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (I think it's time you gave me another break.)
39. Michael Dorsey/Dorthy Michaels of Tootsie
40. The Terminator of The Terminator (Oh, fuck the hell off.)
41. Jane Craig of Broadcast News
42. "Dirty" Harry Callahan of Dirty Harry
43. Forrest Gump of Forrest Gump (This list is like a box of chocolates... Fulla brown stuff.)
44. Jules Winnfield of Pulp Fiction (Blah.)
45. Mary Poppins of Mary Poppins
46. John McClane of Die Hard (Yippy-cayay, muthafuckers...)
47. Mrs. Robinson of The Graduate (Right. On.)
48. John "Bluto" Blutarsky of Animal House (Another break, please?)
49. Chance the Gardener of Being There (YES!)
50. Blondie of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
51. Freddy Krueger of A Nightmare on Elm Street (Oy effing vey.)
52. Howard Beale of Network (This is a great call.)
53. Ninotchka of Ninotchka
54. Frank Booth of Blue Velvet
55. The Dude of The Big Lebowski
56. Alan Swann of My Favorite Year (Another quirky choice, and another good one.)
57. Tom Powers of The Public Enemy
58. Phyliss Dietrichson of Double Indemnity
59. Lt. Kilgore of Apocalypse Now
60. George Bailey of It's a Wonderful Life (Fair enough. But what about Clarence?)
61. J.J. Hunsecker of Sweet Smell of Success
62. John Shaft of Shaft (What tha funk?)
63. Carrie White of Carrie (Jiminy willikers!)
64. Rocky Balboa of Rocky (Double jiminy willikers!)
65. Edward Scissorhands of Edward Scissorhands
66. Navin Johnson of The Jerk (Alright, go away now.)
67. Inspector Clouseau of The Pink Panther
68. Alex DeLarge of A Clockwork Orange (Oy.)
69. Terry Malloy of On the Waterfront
70. Judy Benjamin of Private Benjamin (I'm verklempt.)
71. Rev. Harry Powell of The Night of the Hunter (Good call.)
72. Lloyd Dobler of Say Anything
73. Norma Rae of Norma Rae
74. Tony Montana of Scarface (Possibly the most overrated character in film history.)
75. Dr. Strangelove of Dr. Strangelove
76. Tony Manero of Saturday Night Fever (Bite me. Seriously.)
77. Annie Wilkes of Misery
78. "Mad" Max Rockatansky of Mad Max (I now have road rage.)
79. Hans Beckert of M (Good one.)
80. Sam Spade of The Maltese Falcon (Why the HELL is he so far down this list?)
81. Aurora Greenway of Terms of Endearment (Hi, I'm Shirley MacLaine, and I'm a neurotic mess.)
82. Jack Torrance of The Shining (All work and no play make Jack a hammy actor.)
83. William Cutting of Gangs of New York
84. Darth Vader of Star Wars (The Force is weak with this one.)
85. Stanley Kowalski of A Streetcar Named Desire (Another unfair demotion.)
86. Melanie Daniels of The Birds (Tippi. Hedren. Oy.)
87. Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Oh, come on. It's a good comic turn, nothing more. If anything, it's Johnny Depp doing Peter O'Tools doing Allan Swann.)
88. Raymond Babbitt of Rain Man (No.)
89. Sandy Olsson of Grease (No, no, no.)
90. John Malkovich of Being John Malkovich (No, no, no, no, no; a great movie, but one of the greatest characters of all time? Mehtinks not.)
91. Mrs. Iselin of The Manchurian Candidate (Alright, this DESERVES to be here. Angela Lansbury at her *intentionally* creepy best.)
92. Dil of The Crying Game (Meh. Seems an overstatement.)
93. Harry Lime of The Third Man (Good choice. His cuckoo-clock line is a classic.)
94. Rose Sayer of The African Queen
95. Oda Mae Brown of Ghost (Back da fuck up, girlfriend....)
96. Tommy DeVito of GoodFellas (Meh.)
97. Ace Ventura of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (Okay, this is WAR.)
98. Antoine Doinel of The 400 Blows
99. Kevin McCallister of Home Alone (Okay, this is NUCLEAR WAR.)
100. Roger "Verbal" Kint of The Usual Suspects (Retreat to DefCon 3.)

So, who do I think is missing from the list? Hmmmm..... so many....

• Colonel Nicholson, The Bridge On The River Kwai
  
• Jefferson Smith, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
  
• T. E. Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia
  
• Juror No. 8, Twelve Angry Men
  
• Lord Hidetora, Ran
  
• Lady Kaede, Ran
  
• Bob Harris, Lost In Translation
  
• Will Kane, High Noon
  
• Sanjuro, Yojimbo and Sanjuro
  
• Tom Joad, The Grapes of Wrath
  
• Fagin, Oliver Twist
  
• Rev. Harry Powell, Night Of The Hunter
  
• Mortimer Brewster, Arsenic and Old Lace
  
• Teddy Brewster, Arsenic and Old Lace (Hell, most of the characters from this movie could fit on this list somewhere.)
  
• Roger O. Thornhill, North By Northwest
  
• Harry Caul, The Conversation
  
• Popeye Doyle, The French Connection and The French Connection II
  
• Cosmo Brown, Singin' In The Rain
  
• Capt. Hank Quinlan, Touch of Evil
  
• Mr. White, Reservoir Dogs
  
• Fast Eddie Felson, The Hustler and The Color of Money
  
• Waldo Lydecker, Laura
  
• the D'Ascoygne Family (all played by Alec Guinness, so they all seem like one character, in a way), Kind Hearts and Coronets
  
• Sir Wilfrid Robarts, Witness For The Prosecution
  
• Marvin Udall, As Good As It Gets
  
• Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles
  
• Max Bialystock, The Producers
  
• Willie Stark, All The King's Men
  
• Laura Jesson, Brief Encounter
  
• Connie Summer, Unfaithful
  
• Antonius Block, The Seventh Seal
  
• Professor Kingsfield, The Paper Chase

Oh, I could go on forever (and perhaps almost have). Further proof, though, that such lists are ultimately quite useless and that they serve more to stir anger than to offer a genuine assessment. Any particular additions, mes amis?