Puréed Crap

      Blender magazine has issued its list of the 50 worst songs ever (well, not ever, of course, as there's no mention of anything outside of the past sixty years, but of course we know that those are the only years in the history of the world that matter-- harrumph). Unfortunately, Blender's website only includes the bottom five (i.e., 50-45), so you'll have to settle for the nuts-and-bolts (i.e., quipless) list here. Though this blog might have cited some songs as more offensive than those listed here, it also won't dispute the awfulness of any of the nominees. Yoko Ono, however, seems to have escaped the list with Bin Laden-esque guile. And where is Patrick Swayze's Hungry Eyes, a song so painful it sent thousands into Eighties catatonia? Oh, that's right: nobody can find him anymore, either.

      EDIT: Zelda rightly reminds me that, once again, my memory was playing tricks on me. Swayze did "She's Like The Wind," an equally horrifying song and certainly an unflattering way to describe a woman. Eric Carmen, oy vey, did "Hungry Eyes." This is what age is doing to me. Paging Dr. Alzheimer.