Mass Appeal

      From the "Oh, That Clears Everything Up" file, there's this story that's enough to make even the most devout turn agnostic. The most stunning thing is this:

"There are certain things that happen which are not sexual but could be interpreted that way," Laird said.

Well, now how could anyone have misunderstood? It as just an innocent case of bondage and manipulation. I get it now. Whew, that's a relief. And remember children: Father knows best.