Hobson's Hoist

A little tart like that could save you a fortune in prostitutes.
               --- Hobson in Arthur

      Found myself today watching for the first time in some years the old Dudley Moore chestnut Arthur, the infectious comedy about the perpetually-drunken millionaire playboy Arthur Bach. Watching it again, I found myself both charmed by it and repulsed by it: charmed, mainly because the film has some good comic set-pieces and some great work by Moore, and repulsed mainly because so many of the film's bits were awkward, forced and impossibly tacky, not least of which is the film's use of music. The real pleasure of it, though, remains the wonderfully clipped performance by Sir John Gielgud-- who won an Oscar for his role here-- as the valet Hobson: Hobson is the classic acerb, and Gielgud relishes the part; against Moore's buffoonery, he offers vicious unbending deadpan, and he's nothing less than perfect. He also gets the films best lines:

Arthur: Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a bath.
Hobson: I'll alert the media.
Arthur: Do you want to run my bath for me?
Hobson: It's what I live for.
[Arthur exits]
Hobson: Perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you... you little shit.

Hobson: Would you remove your helmet, please?
Arthur: Why?
Hobson: Please.
[Arthur hands him his helmet]
Hobson: Thank you. Now your goggles.
Arthur: Why?
Hobson: Please.
[Arthur hands him his goggles]
Hobson: Thank you.
[Slaps him across the face repeatedly]
Hobson: You spoiled little bastard!

He also describes meeting Liza Minelli's character by saying, "Normally, someone would have to go to a bowling alley to meet someone of your stature," which seems truer now of the real Liza than her character in the film. Watching Gielgud today, I really missed him, and thought with some sadness that it really is hard to believe that we'll never again by graced by Gielgud's gift for comedy. (He died in 2000 at the ripe old age of 96; Moore passed away in 2002 at 56.) He almost single-handedly saves the film from becoming unbearably sappy. Almost. I should add that the film has another fine performance, from Geraldine Fitzgerald as Arthur's you-don't-want-to-screw-with-her grandmother. Directories of romantic comedies need to realize, though, that if you're going to go for the heartstrings, it's not enoough just to be cutely cheeky in doing so; you need effective blocking characters that are as hard as boards -- like Gielgud and Fitzgerald in Arthur -- to toughen things up, to respond, at least in part, to the harder minds in the audience, to say nothing of creating necessary conflicts within the film. I think now of modern romantic comedies, and I'm at a loss to think of many that remember this rule. No wonder so many such films these days seem like undiluted syrup. The great glee in watching Gielgud in this film is knowing that his character will hoist everbody up by their silly little petards, and thank God he does.

      One other great line from the film, this one for Arthur: "Not all of us who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we're not poets." No kidding. Cheers.