Canadian Gigolo

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up, down, over and out, and I know one thing
Every time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race....
         --- "That's Life" by Dean Kay and Kelly Gordon

      It's that time again. Time again to take stock of everything I've done -- and more significantly, not done-- and try to come to terms with it all, to try to accept the past and to form a future. There's something vile about this process, something both narcissistic and debasing, rather like looking into a mirror and trying to convince oneself of one's virtues while acknowledging the shortcomings as well. As a result, I don't like mirrors, for the same obvious reasons that I don't like cameras. (Such is the curse of having a face only a mother could love, provided, as the old joke goes, she's blind in one eye and has a milky-white film over the other.) I also don't like-- in fact, loathe-- putting together my CV ("curriculum vitae," for those of you not familiar with the jargon) as I dare to gather together some applications for positions here and there. This means, in part, quantifying my accomplishments (and, in some ways, the relative lack thereof), an activity I generally find distasteful. It also means accidentally reflecting on matters better left, if only for the sake of one's sanity, unpondered. This is to say nothing of the activity I detest most, the prostration and prostitution that comes with -- shudder-- selling one's abilities to possibly interested bidders. Fact is, generally I don't like writing about myself, let alone talking about myself: it's one thing to recall a memory, or to defend a position, or to articulate a personal credo; it's another thing to 'pitch' yourself, to assess yourself, especially given the human capacity for self-delusion. (Right, Superstars?) Alas, it has to be done, as much as I **hate** doing it, and even if the odds are less than favourable. But, as the Chairman of the Board reminds me, that's life. Time to drag my non-existent ass into the race. So, readers, please bear with me. I'm probably going to be rather ornery for the next little bit. Gawd.... Did I mention that I hate this? Oh. Sorry....