FARK posted a challenge to provide a caption for the image below from The Departed. Naturally most did the typical dick and gay jokes, but a hundred-plus entries later, nobody provided the right one. And there can be only one.
Leo: I'd like a plain omelet. No potatoes, tomatoes instead. A cup of coffee and wheat toast.
Jack: No substitutions.
Leo: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?
Jack: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelet. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.
Leo: Yea, I know what it comes with, but it's not what I want.
Jack: I'll come back when you make up your mind.
Leo: Wait a minute, I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelet, no potatoes on the plate. A cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.
Jack: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.
Leo: What do you mean "you don't make side orders of toast"? You make sandwiches, don't you?
Jack: Would you like to talk to the manager?
Leo: You've got bread. And a toaster of some kind?
Jack: I don't make the rules.
Leo: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Jack: A number two, chicken sal san. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Leo: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Jack: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Leo: I want you to hold it between your knees.
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