24 November 2004

What A Frosty-Spirited Rogue Is This?

      Go ahead, everyone: read this and say what you're going to say....   Harrumph.   Sometimes one simply HAS to serve one's country.   Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party....   (True patriot love, indeed.)

      And, by the way, those of us north of the border have a very different answer to the question posed by this article than the author provides.   How can I suggest the Canadian answer to the question without being reductive or overly direct? Hmmm..... [deliberative pause] [gentle scratching of the beard in contemplation] Ah, eureka! Let's put it in a word [he stops and tugs lightly at the edges of his moustache whiskers, as if to say "Come and lie down on the railroad tracks my dear..."] :  Meeeeeoooooow!!!

      THIS JUST IN: The United States of America has just declared war on Canada. Invasion forces are mobilizing, but external sources report that those forces are confusedly assembling at the Mexican border.

      UPDATE:   Drunken Fenians from Nova Scotia are already setting fire to the White House and singing songs of Acadie--- again.  They are insisting, between pints of Keith's, that American President George W. Bush change his name to Percival B. Vagina, and they are taunting Vice-President Dick Cheney to come out of what they howlingly call "[his] insincere, uncircumcised location."   The ghost of Dolly Madison is reported to be positively despondent. The ghost of Wilfrid Laurier, in a press release from purgatory, has declared that he was misquoted a century ago, proclaiming that he actually said it was the 21st that would be Canada's century. American prisoners, most of them captured on errant trips to the bathroom to evacuate themselves of excess water, are now being held in Iqaluit, where they are being forced to listen to Anne Murray's "Snowbird" on eternal repeat. Petitions for mercy from Kofi Annan and the United Nations have so far gone unheeded. More news as it happens.

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