03 January 2005

Dreadful Apathy

      Well, I guess I should write something here, especially for those of you that have been starting to worry-slash-wonder about my silence of late. Beyond the machinations of The Season (i.e., too many nights out and too many achy mornings afterwards), I've been in one of those stretches when it'd be more comfortable to swallow pinecones than sit down and write anything. Writing, after all, would require me to have to sustain a thought for more than a few seconds, and it'd require those qualities of patience and ambition in which I am in disastrously short supply right now. Simple fact is, sometimes I hate writing-- hate having to express things, hate having to labour to do so, hate even the idea of talking, as many of my past girlfriends and involvements know all too well. I just go quiet, a reaction as much voluntary as not. This isn't necessarily a sign of sullenness or ill-temper; in fact, it's seldom a sign of anything other than the desire to be quiet, particularly when one doesn't think one has anything substantial to say. And writing when one doesn't really feel like writing, well that's a special kind of torture. How bad is it? It's taken me almost an hour to write this paragraph, each clause an extraction, each sentence an amputation. And unlike other forms of torture, one meets it with dreadful apathy rather than fear. It has now been over an hour. Blah. I'm trying to remember what it's like to be inspired. And my memory is failing me. Surprise, surprise.

      With that, I'm filling out this post with another one of those silly memes that keep making the rounds.

A Year In Review

1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before? Nothing.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No resolutions. Nothing to keep.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes-- one of my good friends, and one of the first people to nick me as "Doctor J."

5. What countries did you visit? The US, briefly.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Inspiration, money, and a harem.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 2nd: a day that will live in infamy.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Did I achieve anything this year? Probably not. Next question.

9. What was your biggest failure? That I've gone another year in the same dull rut. Becketts do oft prove prophets.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A flu bug.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Ray Charles' last album, which I loaned to a friend the night I bought it and haven't received back yet.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Those of Canadians who continued to put the letter 'u' in 'behaviour' where it belongs.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The American President's.

14. Where did most of your money go? As far away from me as possible.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? You have to explain this "excited" thing. I don't seem to have that word in my vocabulary anymore.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004? Britney Spears' "Toxic." Sums up the year pretty well.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

      a) happier or sadder? Neither.
      b) thinner or fatter? Neither.
      c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? You name it.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? You name it.

20. How did you be spend Christmas? With family. As always.

21. How many one-night stands? None this year. I think. Not entirely sure on that one.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Meh-- can't say I have any favourites anymore.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Not really.

24. What was the best book you read? Who knows. Not sure if I bought anything new this year.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? None. Correction: Lindsay Lohan's chest. Impressive range, there....

26. What did you want and get? Leonard Cohen's newest album. That's about it.

27. What did you want and not get? Inspiration, money, and a harem. And Van Morrison tickets.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Maybe Shrek 2. Still haven't seen most other movies this year.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Trente-et-un, and mutely lamenting the fact over beer and Irish whisky.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Same as always.

32. What kept you sane? Willpower and cigarettes.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Fancy? No one in particular.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Praying that the Americans would elect the course of reason. They didn't.

35. Who did you miss? [silence] [greater silence] Ray Charles.

36. Who was the best new person you met? A "new person" would be a baby, and not having met many babies this year....

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. The things that ought to matter don't, and the things that shouldn't do. And something about peanut butter that I'm too much of a gentleman to mention here.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Yeah we're drinking and we're dancing / but there's nothing really happening / and the place is dead as Heaven on a Saturday night." (Leonard Cohen, "Closing Time")
Yawn.... So blasé today....

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