Divorce And Conquer

"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die." --- Johnny Carson

      Check this out, from the Independent's article on the Diane Richie alimony suit:

Detailing her expenditure, she notes: "I spend in excess of $50,000 (£27,000) a month for my own personal services, entertainment and shopping." This includes $3,000 on dermatology, $600 on hair, $250 on nails, $150 on electrolysis, $1,000 on laser hair removal, $450 on facials, $500 for a personal trainer, $600 for Pilates and $600 on massages; up to $15,000 on clothes, shoes and handbags, plus $5000 on jewellery; up to $1000 on "computer lessons", $600 on therapy and a similar amount on vitamins and health supplements. She also spends at least $20,000 a year on plastic surgery. And she adds, without a hint of irony: "These numbers are conservative estimates."

Wholly jebeezuses jawillikers! By the sounds of it, this woman must be the most hideously deformed person in California. $250 a month on NAILS?!?!? Don't want to meet this woman in a dark alley, her claws slightly longer than Wolverine's. $3,000 a month on dermatology? Those aren't pock-marks, Diane; if your skin needs that much work, we may have to ship you to Molokai. $450 for facials? No, no, no... Doctor J, don't touch that one.... Behave.... $1,000 for computer lessons? She must be learning to operate the machines at NASA. $5,000 a freakin' month on jewellery?!?!?!?!? Damn, even Mr. T knows when too much is too much. And with her astounding expenditures on electrolysis and laser hair removal, this woman must be a bloody bipedal sheepdog. The maintenance on this woman must cost more per year than the projected costs for the complete restoration of the Sphinx, though this blog suspects the Sphinx has suffered less from wind erosion.

      For the first time in my life, I actually feel sorry for Lionel Richie. Did I just write that? No, I couldn't have. Oh, damn, I did. I'm just amazed Lionel didn't go O.J. on this little Imelda Marcos. So much for the simple life...