Wooden Performances, or A Splinter Runs Through It

      Enjoy-- NAY, savour-- the stupidity of this situation, which would no doubt call for an X-rating onto Julie Hagerty's smoking of a cigarette after restoring Otto the Auto-Pilot in Airplane!   Then sniff the wafting aroma of this sentence: "A resolution to this dispute is particularly urgent because the film-makers are contractually obliged to deliver an R-rated film for release by October 15, but the film is scheduled for sneak previews this coming weekend" (emphasis added).   Urgent?   Urgent?   (And for the more esoteric among you: Ur[-]gent?)   Beyond the idiocy of the stupidity of the matter of immediacy, the pun is just too precious.   Again, I am SOOOOO glad to be Canadian right now; after all, we have Puppets Who Kill (and everything else) on basic TV regularly.   Oy vey.   (Yes, I'm getting increasingly flustered by the galling inanity of America right now.    May she return to her wiser self soon. Very soon. Sooner rather than later.)

      In the interim: toothpicks, anyone?