Ho Leigh Crap!

      Tucker ("Spin My Bowtie And Watch Me Fly!") Carlson is calling the election for John Kerry?!?!?!? This can't be possible. The world must be imploding. Maybe Jon Stewart noogied his results. The other stats are mostly the typical prognostications of partisan day-dreamers on both sides, but Carlson's numbers are conspicuously out-of-whack with the strictures of ideological wish-fulfillment. This blog suspects he knows something, factually or instinctively, that the rest of us don't know-- perhaps internal Republican polling numbers. Note: he gives JK the win in the Electoral College by, for this election's standards, a whopping lead of 278-260, in part, one suspects, because he's giving JK the call in (deep breath before saying the F word because it now holds the same superstitious effect as mentioning the Scottish Play by name before a performance) Florida. The irony is that the student pundits may have it right-- a tie popularly, or a close thing to it, with an EC victory for The Dubster. Out of the mouths of babes? Let us hope not.

      By the way: for those you despairing that the Not-So-Good Doctor has turned into a full-bent political pundit of late, I should add two defensive caveats. First: the Rotten Doc has always been an observer of major current events and such, as much as he's often ill-disposed to "be political." Secondly: my arguments here are not now nor have they have been Democratic/Republican, they've been virulently, insistently, even vitriolically opposed to those conditions I've always deemed worthy of mockery-- absurdity, stupidity, ignorance, hypocrisy, xenophobia, manipulativeness, and the lot, typical targets all for the N-S-G Doctor's venom. Dubya and his cronies aren't Republicans, though they were their clothes. Let's face it: if these guys were not in politics, they'd have no defenders whatsoever, and they'd be the laughing stocks of page A22 filler pieces. Ideological incest breeds a strange crop of hypocrites and malfeasants.

      And a further point: any of my American readers that might be chomping at the bit after Osama's "October Surprise" (that should have surprised no one), thinking maybe it's wise to stick with Bush, let me put this to you: how can you trust a man who, with all the ecoutrements of what we call Modern Power, has not been able to locate a 6" odd' Arab man in constant need of a dialysis machine after three years of searching? And yet tapes of him keep arriving, untraced, in Islamabad and other locations, ready to be passed on to Al Jazeera? Use a little logic here.   (The Israeli Mossad would have dispensed with this schmuck by now, or, at least, had him treed.) I'm not saying he should necessarily have Osama drifting in the Ross Sea on a rubber duckie with a can of Lysol, but he should be hot on his tail. But nay. Nay, nay, neigh. Now tell me how he's making you safer in this "War On Terror." Most generously, he's scotch'd the snake-- but he surely hasn't killed it, and he hasn't even caged it. Instead, he's sent those of us with rational minds back to rolling our collective eyes of the old who's sane-Hussein puns that became so tiresome over a dozen years ago. Curious George, indeed.  

      As for me, I like the idea of Osama floating smack-naked in the Ross Sea with only a noxious cleaning product, a raft, and a false glimmer of salvation. There's something fitting to it. Now if only there were such a flip way of dealing with the problems in Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, China, Belarus, the Sudan, the United Arab Emirates, Yemen, Syria, Iran, North Korea, Egypt, and-- for good jesting measure-- the Faroe Islands.