The Waste Land Parody --- I've been looking for this for what seems forever, but here is the poem that so beautifully the 2000 US Election so beautifully to task.

The Love Song of Rutherford B. Hayes

1. The Burial of the Chad

November is the cruelest month, breeding
Butterflies out of dead votes, mixing
Manual and automatic tabulation, stirring
Dry chad with spring rain.

Florida surprised us, coming in from Kennebunkport
We stopped when Colin Powell passed out
And drank Pabst Blue Ribbon and harassed black voters.
Texas, Texas uber alles.

And when we were children, staying at the governor's,
My brother's, he took me out for a drive,
And I was frightened. He said, Jeb,
Jeb, Hold on tight. And downed another tequila.

Madame Harris, local secretary,
-But you can call her Cruella-
Had a bad hair day, nonetheless
Is known to be the sneakiest woman in West Palm Beach
With a wicked pack of cards. Here, said she,
Is your card: the dented pregnant chad,
(Those are votes in Illinois. Look!)
Here the chad with three corners.
The chad with two votes. And this card,
Which is blank, call it one for Dubya,
Which I am forbidden to say. I do not find
The Hanged Chad. Fear death by revote.

2. A Game of Cards

How shall I count thee? Let me count the ways?

Automatic count ...

Automatic count again ...

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

Manual recount of one percent of precincts

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

O O O that swingi-hinging door chad.

It's irrefutable

So indisputable!

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

In the room Ralph Nader comes and goes
Talking of the WTO.

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

Countywide manual recount ...
Countywide manual recount using a new standard ...

And the bulbs shine bright on govn'or dubya
and on his aggies
they keep their chad in plastic baggies
to keep them fresh.

Statewide manual recount ...

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME!

3. What the Votamatic Said

Here are no votes but only chad
Chad and no votes and the snaky cord
The cord winding below between the ballots
Which are mountains of chad without votes
If there were votes we should stop and count
Amongst the chad one cannot stop or count

And the lockbox gives no shelter, the speeches no relief
And the empty chad no sign of votes. Only
There is shadow under this Votamatic.
(Come in under the shadow of this Votamatic)
And I will show you something different from either
Morning light shining through Bush votes
or evening light shining through Gore votes.
I will show you fear in a handful of chad.

Then spake the Votamatic:

DUH

Dubya: A compassionate conservative.

DUH

Dubya: A reformer with results

DUH

Dubya: A uniter, not a divider.

These ballot fragments I have stored against my ruin.

subliminable subliminable subliminable.


-- Nathanial Daw