These might be familiar, but they are funny. Check out some, ahem, cocked-up philosophy here and here . Thanks to RK for reminding me about these. Some personal additions:

Why did the chicken cross the road?....

T.S. Eliot:
Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us-- if at all -- not as lost
Violent fowl, but only
As the hollow hens,
The stuffed hens.

Wallace Stevens:
The chicken refreshes life so that we share,
For a moment, the first idea... It satisfies
Belief in an immaculate crossing

And sends us, winged by an unconscious will,
To an immaculate end.

James Joyce:
...and the chicken would cross the road and it would say yes and it would sense the air and it would say yes and it would taste the world inside its breast and yes its eyes would find the other's eyes and it would say yes and the road behind it would surrender and yes the tongue it might have had and yes the chicken would know yes it would know and feel and yes and it would sense and cluck and yes the chicken the heaving heart of the chicken the heart that held and hoped heard yes it would say yes it will say yes I will say Yes

Harold Bloom:
Because in the Chicken, we see one of the most striking accomplishments in the creation of individual character, eclipsed only by Hamlet and Falstaff. The Chicken is larger than us, its persistence immeasurable, its wisdom crystallized in the single word, 'Cluck.' Only a character of Falstaff's titanic wit would dare question the Chicken, his rapier intelligence larger even than the road the Chicken must cross.

the Upanisads:
CL.

Samuel Beckett:
To every chicken his little cross. [He sighs.] Till it dies. [Afterthought.] And is forgotten.

W. B. Yeats:
How can we ever know the crosser from the cross?

David Mamet:
You know why the mutherfucking chicken crossed the goddam road? You fucking know why? I'll tell you the fuck why, you ignorant mutherfucking chicken-licking shit. The fucking clucker couldn't hack the fucking sit, it had spent too much fucking time in a mutherfucking sissy-boy faggot-faced office, pushing papers, outta the FUCKING game! And the pussy-brained fucker thought it could fucking push its fucking feather-ass across the damned road to try to fucking prove itself. And you know what fucking happened? SPLAT. Fucker.

Ezra Pound:
HAIO KING had just a bird's blood on his conscience. [insert Chinese ideogram here]

Terry Eagleton:
The chicken crossing the road was not a great gesture, which the intellectual community took to hand; it is a great gesture because the intellectual institution constitutes it as such. We summon the story of the chicken crossing the road to blast the people out of the intellectual arena. We made the chicken crossing the road a crucial story, and we can also remove the chicken from the canon.

Peter Falk (as Columbo):
Because there was just one more thing.

Oliver Stone:
Because Lyndon Johnson told it to, as part of the conspiracy to keep the United States in Vietnam.

Benny Hill:
Because it was a lovely bird with *drool* lovely firm breasts..... [insert rapid chase scene here]

Keanu Reeves:
Huh? Whoooa.

Kenny Rogers:
You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away, know when to run
You never count your hatchlings
When you're sittin at the table
There'll be time enough for counting
When the layin's done.

the average undergraduate male:
There's a chick crossing the road?