Residence Evils

Received this from a student a while ago, but am finally posting it here.

How to write a paper in college/university:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to the caf and grab a hot chocolate. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
7a. If your room is not clean, take out the garbage and vacuum first.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email.
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.
17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the the college, the world at large.
18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.
19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
20. Check your email.
21. Check the newspaper listings to make sureyou aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
22. Play some solitare.
23. Check out bored.com.
24. Wash your hands.
25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
27. Sit down and do some serious thinking aboutyour plans for the future.
28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
29. Check your email and listen to your newmp3z.
30. You should be rebooting by now, assumingthat windows is crashing on schedule.
31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
34. Punch the wall and break something.
35. Check your email.
36. Mumble obscenties.
37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
38. Complain to everyone that you didn't getany sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.