Ho Ho Ho

      The folks who designed the website for the National Post have made a real mess of things, to the point that searching for a specific article online is an exercise in pointless circularity. Case in point: today I was trying to find an article that was printed in Tuesday's paper, an article by Scott Feschuk that I used, in truly bizarre fashion, when I was teaching The Merchant of Venice. For the life of me, it seems that the site's search engine doesn't bother with matching up search terms with articles. It looks like they didn't bother to put the article in question online, or it's so throughly buried that I can't locate it. Much grumbling can be reported to have come from the Not-So-Good Doctor. The article? A very funny mock Public Service Announcement-- for the bimbos that shake their asses in rap videos,

the unsung heroines of the rise of rap, the women who bared their souls -- and, according to scientists, 84% of the surface area of their bosoms -- to convincingly portray such varied screen roles as the Ho, the Slut, the Dancing Slut, the Slutty Bitch, the Ho-Bitch, the Totally Ho-like Ho and the Bespectacled PhD Candidate (Who Turns Out To Be A Ho).... They were peerless purveyors of not only the Ass Grind but also the Ass Shake, Ass Shimmy, Ass Quake, Ass Shudder, Ass Oscillation (better known in the industry as 'the Assilation') and varying degrees of Ass Palpitation.

The article went on to explain that now these women need our help: many of them now suffer from Repetitive Ass Disorder and Ass Dysplasia. It ends touchingly: "Ladies and gentlemen, I beg of you: Won't you please think of the bitches?" (Yes, this blog adds, please, won't you think of the bitches?)

      Anyway, I had hoped to share the entire article here, but evidently I can't as there seems to be no direct link to it. *Sigh* Too bad. It was hilarious.

      And don't ask me how I was able to connect Feschuk's plea for the bootylicious with The Merchant of Venice. But I did it. And worse, it made sense. Alas, my puerile genius knows few bounds. But, please, can we all get together and raise money to help The National Post get a decent search engine and compile all their articles in one place: won't you think of the satirists?