Ugh.

      Colour this blog embarrassed. Nice to know our academics are facing the serious and important issues of the day.

Goodbye, Mr. Chips

      This is truly bizarre. This just... Oh hell, I don't know what to say to this at all....

Puttering About

Well I'm accustomed to a smoother ride
Or maybe I'm a dog that's lost its bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool anymore
I don't expect to sleep through the night... --- Paul Simon, "The Obvious Child"

      The only thing worse than insomnia, my readers, is when *I* have insomnia, which it seems is most of the time. So, here I am, wasting time, mainly because I don't have the intellectual acumen or the physical energy to write real emails-- i.e., things that require thought, focus, and perhaps even (p'shaw!) insight-- I have been surfing the net, looking for things that might amuse my otherwise very cranky nature. Some of the better pieces:

God's New Chosen People: This blog's favourite bit: '"Ha. Ha ha," Bashert added. "Shit."' The Newest Windows Virus: Oh, if only... The True Shocker About Mel Gibson's The Passion: Christie will enjoy this one. (Mere Christianity? Sheesh, how obscure is that reference, Doctor J??? C.S. Lewis, anyone?) The Next Wave In Reality TV: Love the last sentence. Valentine's Day Wisdom: A little late, but certainly hilarious. Especially the "compromise" and "the world's greatest girlfriend" bits. See also this. The Great White North Stuff: Those American protectionists strike again! Counting The Days: A vigil for a truly significant event. Clarifying Same-Sex Legislation: Since when has Bill Clinton been a justice in Massachusetts?

Yes, it's a sick, sick world. And Doctor J is still wide awake, dammit. Aaaargh.

^~~Take My Breath Away...^~~

      Now this is a young woman I just have to meet.

Very Poor And Unhappy Brains

      Let's face it the world is getting bloody pathetic. As if it isn't bad enough that some people think they need the internet to find drinking buddies (i.e., comrades in alcoholic crime), but some bars in Britain are taking the drinking out of drinking. Bah, technology. If I weren't already crying my beer-beer...

Just In Time For Stake And Blowjob Day?

      Awwwwh, shucky McShuck shucks... Now Doctor J is just gonna have a big cry-cry in his beer-beer. *sniff sniff*

Where's Howard Beale When We Need Him?

      This blog, simply put, hates this idea.

A Poem Your Parents Will Hate

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
      They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
      And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
      By folks in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
      And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
      It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
      And don't have any kids yourself.

--- Philip Larkin (1974)

Rollin' and Tumblin'

      The spectator in me cannot help but savour the surprise decline of the Liberals so quickly into Chairman, er, Prime Minister Martin's ascent. Wow. Check out the numbers here; they're going down faster than Shelley Winters at a buffet.

'Twere Well It Were Done Quickly

      For your plays need no excuse.

Within An Inch Of Their Dull and Obnoxious Lives...

      With all the finger-pointing in the wake of Conan O'Brien's trip to Toronto, it's good to see that at least one pundit has it right on the money. Geebus begeezus, it is absolutely maddening that politicos and pundits have reacted so indignantly to the antics of an INSULT PUPPET. Context, people, context! It should be interesting to see if Conan says anything on his show tonight now that he's back in New York. I won't blame Conan if he's cynical about his trip now. Fact is, I'm ashamed of the way our leaders and editorialists have responded to this, deeply, deeply ashamed. And, frankly, Doctor J would like to open up a magnificent can of whoop-ass on all these buffoons and their false piety. Forget going medieval on their asses; it's time to get antediluvian.

Stupid Headline of the Day Redux

      Duh. Part Deux.

      (Don't worry, she won't get far: running with those things won't be easy...)

Another One That'll End Up On Christie's Site If It Hasn't Been There Already

      This is simply terrifying.

Star Search

      No matter how you slice it, this is just plain cool. This blog awaits further images. See also this.

And check this stuff out, too. Can't say I understand all the technological-scientific mumbo-jumbo, but this is fascinating.

Alright...

      Next time, take care of your own damned planes, and don't ask Canada to take them in for you. I swear, this sickening, disgusting "Blame Canada" mentality just makes me want to start bitch-slapping people. And the U.S. wonders why there is so much resentment in Canada??? It's because you keep purporting CRAP like this. Pardon us if we don't react with our Bible Belt and without our McCarthyist paranoia. Damn, this stuff really gets my goat.

      (Sorry, my bile got the better of me: the Americans that were aboard those planes and found themselves trapped for a bit in places like Gander, Newfoundland were nothing less than terrific; kind, charitible, jim-dandy wonderful. But those were the real people. The American politicos are, however, vomitously misguided in their desperate attempt to blame everyone but themselves, and stigmatizing Canada is absolutely no different than the cheap stigmatizing they did upon Germany and France. Would you like to buy some "Freedom Bacon"???? Grrrr... Aaaargh.)

Stupid Headline Of The Day

      Duh.

      Might!?!?!? Might?!?!?!? Captain Obvious Strikes Again....

Gee, I Wonder Whose Blog This Will End Up Posted On...

      Because I'm pretty sure someone will not be able to resist this. *Shudder*

On Commas And Ingly Words

      RK, can we encourage any and all of our students to read this article? I'm just so eager....

Rage, Rage Against The Dying of the Light

      Bill Maher on the Janet Jackson fiasco wondered why Americans are so offended by an areola; paraphrasing, he noted, what's an areola but a bundle of nerves surrounded by flesh, just like Howard Dean. Ahhhhhh...... Nice, very nice.

      See also Maher's parody of country crank Tobe Keith singing about Janet:

BILL MAHER [as KOBE TEETH]: Hello, I'm Kobe Teeth. Last week, I thought I was the most P.O.'d I'd ever been about those 'Related Program Activities.' But this week, along come three more words that made me even madder: 'Unrehearsed Wardrobe Malfunction.' And I wrote this song about it.

'Well, my six-year-old son saw an African booby.
Now I haven't been this angry since they shot Jack Ruby.
Let the word ring out across the U.S. of A.,
keep your motherfuckin' tit inside your busted bustier.
I'm pissed off about this goddamn
halftime wardrobe malfunction.

'Oh, you can spoon with my wife and press your cock against her rear,
you can take all three Judds and take a shit on John Deere.
You can bum my last smoke and piss in my cola,
but I don't want to see your big, brown, pierced areola.
We're all just sick and tired of the Jackson family's dysfunction.
And your totally unplanned, accidental, unrehearsed
wardrobe malfunction, wardrobe malfunction'

[talking over refrain] I thought you were in control, Janet Jackson. What happened to that? You know, you make me want to hit the Jesus Juice, girl. [laughter] What the hell was that around your nipple anyway? A napkin ring? God, I've seen better tits on a she-cow. What about the children, that's my question, America, what about the children? God, I'm mad, boys! Hold me back! Every week this happens to me. I just get madder and madder!

Extinct Agent Man?

      Mainly for RK, this article posits (along with a review of the new John le Carre novel Absolute Friends) that spy-fiction has gone the way of the dodo bird. Unfortunate, really. RK, remember the golden days of spy-fiction? *Sigh*