How To Make Doctor J Do His Frankenstein Impression In Which He Wanders The Countryside Wringing The Necks of Small Children And Other Innocent Victims

      Just show him this.   GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ERRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!

      Number 5, by the way, features a two-to-three page discussion of -- I kid ye not -- The Last Action Hero, which should just about say it all, shouldn't it?

      Oh, these studies, all laden with their would-be hip bents, the key buzzwords worn like the latest pieces of haute couture, fashionable but pretentious, and surely quite gaudy.

      On the other hand, this-- this is hip, pretty babies.... It might even stop the Monster on his rampage. The key word there, I hasten to add, is "might."

      UPDATE:   It may be strangulation time again, boys & girls. One of the few things to keep the Doc moderately sane when insomnia strikes and he's facing a long day contiguous to a long night was admiring the eminently alluring Peta Wilson come 6am in reruns of La Femme Nikita. (Still photos tend not to do her justice; she always looks better in motion than in stasis. I choose the word "alluring" very specifically.) Showcase, in its inveterate wisdom, has decided we insomniacs no longer need this oasis, and have so opted to replace the show with-- damn and blast-- Emily of New Moon. Emily of New FREAKIN' Moon. Now if that's not enough to turn a man to homicide, I don't know what is.

      UPPERDATE: Need a biography of Shakespeare that's clear, informative, and useful? Well, I wouldn't suggest looking here then. Among the more frustratingly glib statements: "Shakespeare's plays fell into four major categories -- comedy, tragedy, history and The Tempest." Oy. Sounds like something one of my old 3190 students would have written, only less grammatically. (And no-- no one in particular, just generically.) Oy.