Petites Remarques
"Someone had blundered." --- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
"Hope is an echo, it ties itself yonder, yonder." --- Carl Sandburg
"For everything that's lovely is
But a brief, dreamy kind of delight." --- W.B. Yeats
"And the rain it raineth every day..." --- William Shakespeare
"Coming to this:
has its rewards: nothing is promised, nothing is taken away.
We have no heart or saving grace,
no place to go, no reason to remain." --- Mark Strand
31 May 2003
Ah, Untalkative Bunny is so adorable. So cute, so susceptible, so sweet. Yeah, I know this sounds horribly saccharine for a crank like me, but, well, ahem, gee, I dunno.... Just soooo keeeewwwwwwt.... Here he (she?) is saying hi to bunnies, pigeons and squirrels. Awwwhhhhhh.....
Now everyone stop laughing at me.... *hides face* I mean it, stop laughing at me! *slouches foetally into a corner* I'll never live this down, will I?
Now everyone stop laughing at me.... *hides face* I mean it, stop laughing at me! *slouches foetally into a corner* I'll never live this down, will I?
This is truly gross-- and it sounds like something out of "Not Another Teen Movie." Two things: one, found this link with the aid of Dave Barry's blog, and he wryly added that the Terror Alert level should be raised to "Brown"; and two, the most disturbing line in the article is that "It smelt like almonds." *Shudder*
For the phonically clever (and those who read French), see if you can figure out the under-logic of these pieces. Think Guillaume Chaquespierre.
A.
Freine ce romance qu'un trime haine, laine demi yeux hier ce.
Ail comme tout beret six are note tout pres cime
De Yves; elle dattes mene d'ou livres safre; te seme
De gourdes, hisse oeuf tines tertre vite, d'air Beaune ce.
B.
Tout pille or, note, tout pille, date hisse de caisse tiens!
Ou est d'air tisse n'eau bleue Inde mainte? Tous ouverts
De silence, Anne d'arrose offerte rageuse forte jaune
Or; tout teck ame sagene, c'est ta si oeuf trou bel ce.
Anne bailleur pose en gaine d'aime.
C.
Noue -- y ce devine! Terre oeuf ourdit, ce corne teinte
M'aide clore rieuse; sous mer baille, dise sonne oeuf choc.
...
Ah os! Ah os! Maille qui ne d'homme fourra os.
D.
Si ce rot yole trop neuf quine ce, dix ceps terre d'aieul.
essert touffe ma geste et de'cide oeuf masse.
Des auteur est daine de mies par a d'ail ce
Dise fort tresse bile te; baille ne'e ch`ere foreur salve
A gaine; ce tine vais Jean anes de hante oeuf ou or.
E.
O mise tresses mailles ne! Ou air are yu rot mine
Ose de' Inde hier yeux trou louve; ce Comines
Datte canne scie ne que beau taillant l'eau
Tripes n'eau feutre prete' ce oui tine
Dieu n'est Seine dine Louvre ce mie tine.
Effare'e ou ail ce mince, sans dot nos.
F.
Chat l'ail comme paires six touez sous mer ce the'.
Saoul hate mort; l'oeuf lianes mort theme paraitre,
Rouf oins doux cheque; ce dart lion boudes oeuf mais
Anne sous mer; ce liasse atoll touche or tous de's.
G.
Orle de veule sasse tais-je
Ane hors le domaine inoui mene; mire lit plait heuse
The' have, d'air excite, sain d'air entraine; cesse
Anne! O`u on Menin hisse taille me plait ce mene y pate ce.
H.
Et toi, ce Louvre un dise lasse.
Vite he' Inde eau, Inde he' -- non, ni nos!
Date or de gril ne corne fil ce dite pas ce.
En d'aspirine taille me, de eau ne l'y prise terrine taille me.
Ou haine boeuf ce doux zinc est digne, digne dine.
Souhaite Louvre ce l'oeuf d'aspirine.
I.
Tue moraux, Anne, tue moraux, Anne, tue moraux!
Crepes syntheses petit pese, frondez tous de's.
Tuteur lasse si la belle offre cor dettes, theme
Anne d'or lourd; yeuse te de' seve, l'ail t'aide foule ce.
Ce ouais! Tout d'usite' dettes; haute, haute, prive
Cannes d'elles.
J.
De quoi lite'e oeuf merci; hisse note se traine de
Hie trop pere, tasse de gene, telle reine forme e'vent.
Ah bon! Ce plaise be'nite, et tisse toise; blesse te
E'tat blesse theme date, gui vesce intime, dattes teck ce.
K.
Ou on ce Maure un tout de Brie je dire freine ce, ou on ce Maure
Orgue l'ose d'ou or loupe, oui ce urine cliche dettes
Hie ne pisse terre; ce noeud tine sobre comme ce main,
A ce modiste cette ile naissante hue milite'e.
Pardon the absence of accents. The answers can be found here. Don't peek too early.... ;-)
Prick Up Your Ears! A Challenge...
For the phonically clever (and those who read French), see if you can figure out the under-logic of these pieces. Think Guillaume Chaquespierre.
A.
Freine ce romance qu'un trime haine, laine demi yeux hier ce.
Ail comme tout beret six are note tout pres cime
De Yves; elle dattes mene d'ou livres safre; te seme
De gourdes, hisse oeuf tines tertre vite, d'air Beaune ce.
B.
Tout pille or, note, tout pille, date hisse de caisse tiens!
Ou est d'air tisse n'eau bleue Inde mainte? Tous ouverts
De silence, Anne d'arrose offerte rageuse forte jaune
Or; tout teck ame sagene, c'est ta si oeuf trou bel ce.
Anne bailleur pose en gaine d'aime.
C.
Noue -- y ce devine! Terre oeuf ourdit, ce corne teinte
M'aide clore rieuse; sous mer baille, dise sonne oeuf choc.
...
Ah os! Ah os! Maille qui ne d'homme fourra os.
D.
Si ce rot yole trop neuf quine ce, dix ceps terre d'aieul.
essert touffe ma geste et de'cide oeuf masse.
Des auteur est daine de mies par a d'ail ce
Dise fort tresse bile te; baille ne'e ch`ere foreur salve
A gaine; ce tine vais Jean anes de hante oeuf ou or.
E.
O mise tresses mailles ne! Ou air are yu rot mine
Ose de' Inde hier yeux trou louve; ce Comines
Datte canne scie ne que beau taillant l'eau
Tripes n'eau feutre prete' ce oui tine
Dieu n'est Seine dine Louvre ce mie tine.
Effare'e ou ail ce mince, sans dot nos.
F.
Chat l'ail comme paires six touez sous mer ce the'.
Saoul hate mort; l'oeuf lianes mort theme paraitre,
Rouf oins doux cheque; ce dart lion boudes oeuf mais
Anne sous mer; ce liasse atoll touche or tous de's.
G.
Orle de veule sasse tais-je
Ane hors le domaine inoui mene; mire lit plait heuse
The' have, d'air excite, sain d'air entraine; cesse
Anne! O`u on Menin hisse taille me plait ce mene y pate ce.
H.
Et toi, ce Louvre un dise lasse.
Vite he' Inde eau, Inde he' -- non, ni nos!
Date or de gril ne corne fil ce dite pas ce.
En d'aspirine taille me, de eau ne l'y prise terrine taille me.
Ou haine boeuf ce doux zinc est digne, digne dine.
Souhaite Louvre ce l'oeuf d'aspirine.
I.
Tue moraux, Anne, tue moraux, Anne, tue moraux!
Crepes syntheses petit pese, frondez tous de's.
Tuteur lasse si la belle offre cor dettes, theme
Anne d'or lourd; yeuse te de' seve, l'ail t'aide foule ce.
Ce ouais! Tout d'usite' dettes; haute, haute, prive
Cannes d'elles.
J.
De quoi lite'e oeuf merci; hisse note se traine de
Hie trop pere, tasse de gene, telle reine forme e'vent.
Ah bon! Ce plaise be'nite, et tisse toise; blesse te
E'tat blesse theme date, gui vesce intime, dattes teck ce.
K.
Ou on ce Maure un tout de Brie je dire freine ce, ou on ce Maure
Orgue l'ose d'ou or loupe, oui ce urine cliche dettes
Hie ne pisse terre; ce noeud tine sobre comme ce main,
A ce modiste cette ile naissante hue milite'e.
Pardon the absence of accents. The answers can be found here. Don't peek too early.... ;-)
30 May 2003
Oh yes..... There is finally a DVD edition of Akira Kurosawa's magnificent Ran coming out, following a brief theatrical rerelease in select markets. For those that haven't seen it, Ran is a masterpiece, Kurosawa's stunning revision of King Lear that stands to my mind as the finest interpretation of the tale EVER. Here is metacritic's selection of rerelease reviews, though there are probably countless more reviews out there. The film is now almost twenty years old, but it looks like a film entirely outside of time; there aren't many films of which one can say such a thing. Absolutely brilliant. Anyone wishing to offer a donation to the Dr J foundation is encourage to.... nudge, nudge, wink, wink.....
Post-script: Just realized the damned thing is three years old.... Man, am I behind the times.... *sigh*
Post-script: Just realized the damned thing is three years old.... Man, am I behind the times.... *sigh*
Snubs
James Joyce was accosted by an admirer that asked to 'kiss the hand that wrote Ulysses." Joyce's reply: "You may not. It did other things too."
English poet-dramatist John Dryden often took refuge in his books, which apparently prompted his wife Lady Elizabeth to say, "I wish I were a book, and then I should have more of your company." Dryden, with characteristic wit, replied: "Pray my dear, if you do become a book, let it be an almanack, for then I may change you every year."
An exchange between Charles Lamb and William Wordsworth, one in which Lamb actually got the upper hand. Wordsworth apparently intoned, "I believe I could write like Shakespeare if I had mind to it." "Yes," Sir Charles concurred, "nothing wanting but the mind."
An anonymous acquaintance of Samuel Johnson defended his work by saying, "Well, Doctor, I have to live." Dr Johnson responded: "I do not see the least necessity for that."
This is an old classic, an exchange between Winston Churchill and Bessie Braddock. Braddock encountered Churchill after an extravagant dinner, and uttered with shock, "Winston, you're drunk." Countered Churchill: "And Bessie, you are ugly, but tomorrow morning I shall be sober." Ah, Winston, always endearing yourself to women members of parliament....
Hilaire Belloc was shocked by G. K. Chesterton's refusal to respond publically to George Bernard Shaw's criticisms of him in the press. Chesterton eventually explained: "My dear Belloc, I have answered him. To a man of Shaw's wit, silence is the one unbearable repartee."
Beethoven, pre-deafness, sat in on the performance of a new opera by a young composer. Ludwig's assessment? To the young composer he apparently said, "I like your opera very much. In fact I think I shall set it to music one day."
A young man apparently boasted to John Wilkes Booth, "I was born at mid-day on the first of January. Is that not strange?" Wilkes returned: "Not at all. You could only have been conceived on the first of April."
Some self-righteous ass-wipe apparently told Dorothy Parker that he couldn't bear fools. Parker responded in turn, "How odd. Your mother could, apparently."
Groucho, Groucho, Groucho.... An exceptionally obese woman apparently said in Groucho's presence, "Oh, how I just adore nature!" The poor woman didn't have a chance: "That's loyalty, after what nature has done to you."
A male heckler tried to taunted Agnes Macphail, the Canadian suffragette, shouting, "Don't you wish you were a man?" Macphail answered, "Yes, don't you?"
Ernest Thesiger, the great character actor, was apparently very bored at a party, and took to a room where he discovered an equally bored looking man standing by the fire. Thesiger essayed to introduce himself: "Hello. My name's Ernest. I'm an actor." The young man returned, supposedly quite modestly, "Hello, my name's George. I'm a king."
Katharine Hepburn thought she'd make a preliminary attack on Spencer Tracy: "I'm afraid I'm a little too tall for you, Mr. Tracy." Spence rightly remarked, "Don't worry about that, Miss Hepburn. I'll soon cut you down to size."
Groucho again.... A woman at a party insisted she'd met him before, to which the moustachioed one replied, "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
"Oh! I thought I was giving him so much!
And he to me-- and the giving and the taking
Seemed so right: not in terms of calculation
Or what was good for the persons we had been
But for the new person, us. If I could feel
As I did then, even now it would seem right.
And then I found we were only strangers
And that there had been neither giving nor taking
But that we had merely made us of each other
Each for his purpose. That's horrible. Can we only love
Something created by our imagination?
Are we all in fact unloving and unlovable?
Then one is alone
Then lover and beloved are equally unreal
And the dreamer is no more real than his dreams."
---- Celia Coplestone, prior to her crucifixion, in T. S. Eliot's The Cocktail Party (2.2).
And yes, LJH, TSE may have been a misogynist, but I refuse to make Celia's death part & parcel of some cheap feminist argument. For once I find myself dangerously in agreement with Raymond Williams.
Besides, as someone who knows what it means to be unlovable, Celia is the one character who cuts to the emotional bones in TCP: Sir Henry tidies things up, but he never slices.
I wish so badly I could have seen Sir Alec play Sir Henry when he did. I have an audio recording, but that is just not the same. *shrug*
And he to me-- and the giving and the taking
Seemed so right: not in terms of calculation
Or what was good for the persons we had been
But for the new person, us. If I could feel
As I did then, even now it would seem right.
And then I found we were only strangers
And that there had been neither giving nor taking
But that we had merely made us of each other
Each for his purpose. That's horrible. Can we only love
Something created by our imagination?
Are we all in fact unloving and unlovable?
Then one is alone
Then lover and beloved are equally unreal
And the dreamer is no more real than his dreams."
---- Celia Coplestone, prior to her crucifixion, in T. S. Eliot's The Cocktail Party (2.2).
And yes, LJH, TSE may have been a misogynist, but I refuse to make Celia's death part & parcel of some cheap feminist argument. For once I find myself dangerously in agreement with Raymond Williams.
Besides, as someone who knows what it means to be unlovable, Celia is the one character who cuts to the emotional bones in TCP: Sir Henry tidies things up, but he never slices.
I wish so badly I could have seen Sir Alec play Sir Henry when he did. I have an audio recording, but that is just not the same. *shrug*
29 May 2003
Oh my lord.... We all needed to make Homer Canadian....
This is a sign of someone with way too much time on his hands, and a child's view of the Bible.
This is a sign of someone with way too much time on his hands, and a child's view of the Bible.
28 May 2003
"Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness." --- Bertrand Russell, origin uncertain
"I learned Jacob Marley's lesson, to make humanity my business. Now, after a long period of over-extension, I declare myself bankrupt." --- QKM, origin unknown
"I learned Jacob Marley's lesson, to make humanity my business. Now, after a long period of over-extension, I declare myself bankrupt." --- QKM, origin unknown
I did what had to be done today.... A long, horrible day.
It's about damned time other people started doing things on my terms instead of me on theirs. With all the delicate dancing I've done around everyone else's eggshells, it's time for some reciprocation. This is partially spleen; mostly it's just fact.
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." --- Humphrey Bogart
It's about damned time other people started doing things on my terms instead of me on theirs. With all the delicate dancing I've done around everyone else's eggshells, it's time for some reciprocation. This is partially spleen; mostly it's just fact.
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." --- Humphrey Bogart
27 May 2003
For the lazy: Classic books in a minute.
Apparently parental units are going to US tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm not greeting this with the joy I wish I were. Sometimes one can be deafened by the sound of one's own mind.
Some quotes, all from Edna St. Vincent Millay:
Simplex munditiis. --- Horace. The passion for it and the desire to behold it-- discovering more and more these may be fatal flaws on my part. I'm not sure, though, which is worse: being oblivious to this fact or being aware of it and still being subject to it.
Bah humbug.
Apparently parental units are going to US tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm not greeting this with the joy I wish I were. Sometimes one can be deafened by the sound of one's own mind.
Some quotes, all from Edna St. Vincent Millay:
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over."
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell."
"Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it."
Simplex munditiis. --- Horace. The passion for it and the desire to behold it-- discovering more and more these may be fatal flaws on my part. I'm not sure, though, which is worse: being oblivious to this fact or being aware of it and still being subject to it.
Bah humbug.
It is easy to understand what I'm saying,
but it seems like nobody does.
It is easy to live by my teachings,
but it seems like nobody wants to.
What I say and do is nothing new.
Understand that or you'll never understand me.
Although I am so rarely understood,
it doesn't diminish the value of what I have.
The Wise may look poor on the outside,
because they keep their riches in their hearts.
-- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching Chapter 70, tr. Timothy Freke
but it seems like nobody does.
It is easy to live by my teachings,
but it seems like nobody wants to.
What I say and do is nothing new.
Understand that or you'll never understand me.
Although I am so rarely understood,
it doesn't diminish the value of what I have.
The Wise may look poor on the outside,
because they keep their riches in their hearts.
-- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching Chapter 70, tr. Timothy Freke
What About Now?
There`s gonna be a change of season
Indian Summer look around and it`s gone
Why you wanna save the best for last
We grow up so slowly, and grow old so fast
We don`t talk about forever
We just catch it while we can
And if I grab on to the moment
Don`t let it slip away out of my hand
What about now?
What about now
Forget about tomorrow
It`s too far away
What about now, what about now
Close your eyes, don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, too far away
It`s too far away
What about now?
I`m coming out of the shadows
I`m getting of of this one way street
Blue memories, they just gather dust
Leave them in the rain, they turn into rust
Did you see the march to freedom?
Did you ever see Savannah moon
In the middle of the night?
All the other people walking in a line,
I said to the man, "Is it my time?"
What about now?
What about now
Forget about tomorrow, it`s too far away
What about now, what about now
Just close your eyes, don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, too far away
It`s too far away
What about now?
In the walk of a lifetime
When you know it`s the right time
(Bring it to me darlin`)
I can`t wait, I can`t wait
Until the ship comes in
I can`t wait, I can`t wait
Starting up all over again
The errors of a wise man
Make the rules for a fool
What about now?
Forget about tomorrow
It`s too far away, it`s too far away
What about now
Don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, it`s too far away
It`s all about now right now
Don`t break the spell, don`t break the spell
Don`t break the spell, don`t break the spell
It`s all about now right now, now right now, here right now
It`s all about now
All over by tomorrow
Don`t break the spell, don't break the spell....
--- Robbie Robertson, from the gorgeous album Storyville. The lyrics don't look right as text, though. Beautiful song.
There`s gonna be a change of season
Indian Summer look around and it`s gone
Why you wanna save the best for last
We grow up so slowly, and grow old so fast
We don`t talk about forever
We just catch it while we can
And if I grab on to the moment
Don`t let it slip away out of my hand
What about now?
What about now
Forget about tomorrow
It`s too far away
What about now, what about now
Close your eyes, don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, too far away
It`s too far away
What about now?
I`m coming out of the shadows
I`m getting of of this one way street
Blue memories, they just gather dust
Leave them in the rain, they turn into rust
Did you see the march to freedom?
Did you ever see Savannah moon
In the middle of the night?
All the other people walking in a line,
I said to the man, "Is it my time?"
What about now?
What about now
Forget about tomorrow, it`s too far away
What about now, what about now
Just close your eyes, don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, too far away
It`s too far away
What about now?
In the walk of a lifetime
When you know it`s the right time
(Bring it to me darlin`)
I can`t wait, I can`t wait
Until the ship comes in
I can`t wait, I can`t wait
Starting up all over again
The errors of a wise man
Make the rules for a fool
What about now?
Forget about tomorrow
It`s too far away, it`s too far away
What about now
Don`t talk of yesterday
It`s too far away, it`s too far away
It`s all about now right now
Don`t break the spell, don`t break the spell
Don`t break the spell, don`t break the spell
It`s all about now right now, now right now, here right now
It`s all about now
All over by tomorrow
Don`t break the spell, don't break the spell....
--- Robbie Robertson, from the gorgeous album Storyville. The lyrics don't look right as text, though. Beautiful song.
Ten Reasons Why Email Is Like The Male Reproductive Organ
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).
6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
Mistranslations
In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking."
"Here speeching American."
Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul:
"Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Panasonic developed a complete Japanese Web browser, and to make the system user-friendly, licensed the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic decided to delay the product launch indefinately. The reason: an American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what the ad's slogan, "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker", might mean to English speakers.
In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking."
"Here speeching American."
Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul:
"Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Panasonic developed a complete Japanese Web browser, and to make the system user-friendly, licensed the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic decided to delay the product launch indefinately. The reason: an American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what the ad's slogan, "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker", might mean to English speakers.
The 19 Rules for good Riting
Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
Just between you and I, case is important.
Verbs has to agree with their subject.
Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.
Don't use no double negatives.
A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
When dangling, don't use participles.
Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.
Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.
About sentence fragments.
In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Its important to use apostrophe's right.
Don't abbrev.
Check to see if you any words out.
In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which he does not really need.
Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
Just between you and I, case is important.
Verbs has to agree with their subject.
Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.
Don't use no double negatives.
A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
When dangling, don't use participles.
Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.
Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.
About sentence fragments.
In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Its important to use apostrophe's right.
Don't abbrev.
Check to see if you any words out.
In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which he does not really need.
Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
Some Loose Notes and Links
First off: Happy Birthday, Christie. Best wishes. And belated birthday wishes to Anne, who I once again forgot... Sorry Anne. :-(
The National Post printed a very funny discussion about the Buffy finale that's worth a read. Though I disagree with their response to the episode, there are some damned good bits that reflect a little too baldly how so many of us indeed sat and watched the show. I particularly like this bit about the Slayer-ing of every damned girl on the planet: "Joss is definitely going to be invited to guest host The View." LOL. I also like this article from the National Review Online which is the first article I've seen which was less than impressed with the series' ending. It's very well-written.
For the truly obsessed, check out Slayage: The Online International Journal of Buffy Studies. Some articles to be found: “'Killing us Softly'? A Feminist Search for the 'Real' Buffy"; "T. S. Eliot Comes to Television: Buffy's 'Restless'"; and "Love, Death, Curses and Reverses (in F minor): Music, Gender, and Identity in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel." Reading through some of these articles is sometimes interesting, but more often than not it serves more to remind me how lame the academy has become. There's a lot desperate stretching going on, to say nothing of idiosyncratic jargonizing. Worse, most of the writers have very little flare for writing. The article on Buffy and Eliot, for example, has precious little to do with Eliot and suffers from stilted, ponderous writing. Check this sample of an introduction (which took three writers!) that is eye-rollingly bad:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer investigates the means of its production as a television series. It examines the meaning of viewership, or what, in Buffyspeak, we should call being a watcher. Buffy parodies television language and mass-media iconography to seek out an affective politics for its medium, refusing anaesthetic passivity in favour of culturally astute self-consciousness. The program invites viewers to negotiate the tension between access and restriction; at issue are the structure and dissemination of information itself. Buffy offers a critique of the social and the cultural — of the content of the on-screen world, of television as a genre, and of the American socius — and of the processes by which those bodies of cultural and social knowledge are shaped. Two correspondent modes of viewer response are interrogated and challenged in Buffy: identification and mediatization. Its viewers consider how watching television fosters passivity, in audience identification with characters and events — how we learn the thrill of looking at things happen, rather than making them happen.
Oy, oy, oy. We're treated later to the claim that "We also witness an abrogation of agency in viewing: we are mediatized, willingly relieved of our immediate rights as social or cultural actors." Oh dear Lord. Mediatized. Spare me. Alas, this site is very typical of the stuff that goes on in the academy these days. In the words of King Lear, "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
26 May 2003
An old poetic effort.... Probably circa 1995 or 96.
Sheet Music
Last night we made rock 'n' roll
perfect
voice
Blogspot has been bloody ridiculous lately, with tons of problems ranging from non-loading pages to slow transmissions to non-functioning refreshings. If anyone's been having problems reading or accessing this site, let me know. Sometimes, I've discovered, this can be remedied by rentering the address here with the "www" location at the beginning. Let me know if anyone else is having persistent problems.
"I'm as impure as the driven, yellow snow." -- Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I sometimes wonder if could write love poetry again. There was a time I did-- years ago, seeming more like eons ago-- and though I can't say any of it particularly good, it came from a part of me that I'm not sure still exists. To write good love poetry, it seems, one has to have a kind of purity that most of us tend to lose, which I think I may have lost some time ago. Purity, perhaps, or innocence, or something to that effect-- a purity that people like WCWilliams, cummings, Millay and Dickinson had but which most of us do not. I do not think Eliot, for example, could have written good love poetry if he tried. Stevens could have. Hardy probably could have but didn't. Coleridge, never. I'm debating whether or not to dredge some old stuff and look at it again-- since I spent much of last night rereading my MA thesis, another work of juvenalia-- to see if that part of me that could write that stuff still exists. Writing love poetry is very different than loving, or even writing about love per se; what that quality is I'm not sure, but once can tell when that quality is present or absent. I wonder if I have it, but I have to admit I'm a tad wary of finding out the answer. Some questions are dangerous.....
I sometimes wonder if could write love poetry again. There was a time I did-- years ago, seeming more like eons ago-- and though I can't say any of it particularly good, it came from a part of me that I'm not sure still exists. To write good love poetry, it seems, one has to have a kind of purity that most of us tend to lose, which I think I may have lost some time ago. Purity, perhaps, or innocence, or something to that effect-- a purity that people like WCWilliams, cummings, Millay and Dickinson had but which most of us do not. I do not think Eliot, for example, could have written good love poetry if he tried. Stevens could have. Hardy probably could have but didn't. Coleridge, never. I'm debating whether or not to dredge some old stuff and look at it again-- since I spent much of last night rereading my MA thesis, another work of juvenalia-- to see if that part of me that could write that stuff still exists. Writing love poetry is very different than loving, or even writing about love per se; what that quality is I'm not sure, but once can tell when that quality is present or absent. I wonder if I have it, but I have to admit I'm a tad wary of finding out the answer. Some questions are dangerous.....
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